I put out a request to all of you suffering from (emphasis on this word!) any form of eating disorder and immediately received some brilliant and informative answers. Deep down I do wish I got no replies, because then these darling and beautiful people would not be suffering, but I know that people do, and I would much much rather that you speak out about it, not only to defy stigma and misinterpretation of this horrible illness, but for yourself, defying the disorder that is defying you of life.
I mentioned in my request that this is mostly to stop people from glamorising this illness (namely the title of my blog too), fighting against that megabitch that fakes an eating disorder (I mean, *SIGH* at her ignorance, attention seeking and major triggering of those who actually do suffer).
I was so shocked to hear from the responses that I am not the only person to know someone faking a disorder. I felt so horrible, fretting that I was the one in the wrong, but I know now that I am not. It is her stupid and naive actions.
I’m rambling.
So here is the literally painful truth of eating disorders. The agony behind your “thinspirations” and those who you praise for their willpower to avoid eating, the one human instinct that we need in order to survive. The vulnerable, teenage girls you exploit, including even me, with pictures of my half naked body plastered around the internet becoming a poster girl for near death. The little girls and boys that you tell in a whining, envious voice “I wish I was addicted to exercise like you”………… I am just gone, I mean, GONE.
This is the truth:
Rayette, in her email received immediately after the request told me:
“I am 23, and have OS F ED which is Other Specified Feeding or Eating Disorder (which I admittedly had to question the lettering/meaning of). I restrict my food intake and have intense fear of gaining weight. And intense fear of gaining weight.”
BellaX0 commented:
“When I was engulfed with Anorexia, I was constipated ALL the time….lovely, right? Now that I am in recovery, a lot has gotten better, but I still struggle.
I constantly body check and get stuck in the mirror… I will change clothes 3, 4 times a day sometimes if I have to go out.
The feelings of guilt after eating have not left.
One thing that was huge when I was in the throes of Anorexia was the constant obsession over calories that I was unable to control. As you go through refeeding, I noticed that aspect gets a little better.
There is nothing glamorous about eating disorders, that’s for sure.”
Ayla, Discoverecovery from for3v3rchanging.wordpress.com left another brilliantly informative comment, which frankly broke my heart a little because, darling, Anorexia is a mental illness! I know that there are differences in the diagnosis criteria depending on the country, not sure which is which but between the UK and US, one has a certain body weight percentage in the criteria which is frankly disgusting, forcing a person to become more ill in order to get help??
Here is the comment though:
“I’m currently in my second year of treatment for an eating disorder; although the diagnosis is shape-shifter (aha… pun intended). At first I was diagnosed with Bulimia, but now my tendencies have shifted towards restricting my calories rather than binging and purging. So I’m not really Bulimic, and I’m certainly not skinny enough to be diagnosed with Anorexia.
One of the things that really stands out to me is the self-bullying. I tell myself that I don’t deserve food, that I’m disgusting, that I’m so fat that my body could go for months without eating and therefore I deserve to starve because of my glutinous past.
I’ve also met people who pretend to have eating disorders or they claim that they “had Anorexia for a month in high school.” Realistically, if they knew anything about Anorexia they would know it lasts a hell of a lot longer than a month. It drives me crazy when people make statements like that! It’s so invalidating and makes it seem like it’s cool to have an eating disorder when in reality I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.”
Another brilliant and informative comment from the very supportive @helloanx from Instagram, which I am very grateful for is:
“My whole life I have struggled with my food intake. My biggest fear is new foods. I just cannot, CANNOT bring myself to try something I have never tried before. I eat the same things over and over again, and it can take me months, even years of contemplating to actually gather some courage to try something that is completely new to me. I am weak, tired, sad and practically dying constantly. My body does not get the nutrition it needs because of my mind.
It is not cute, it is not glamorous, it’s not something you want to have. It’s life controlling, hours of crying, periods stopping, heart palpitations, shaking constantly. It is hell. The stigma of mental disorders, especially eating disorders, affects us all. We no longer want to speak out in fear that we will be called attention seeking due to fakers before us. Mental illnesses are life threatening, horrible illnesses. You wouldn’t fake about having a physical illness, so mental illnesses should be no different. #stopthestigma”
The Glitter Fight 